5 Ways to Increase Self-Agency & Self-Advocacy
As an intimacy coordinator, there are two questions I often hear from performers:
How can I have greater agency?
How do I better advocate for myself?
Such big questions! Promoting Self-Agency and Self-Advocacy go hand-in-hand in my work. Self-agency (the ability to make free and independent choices) supports self-advocacy (the ability to communicate and speak up for those choices).
So why is this hard?
Well, we’re not taught this in school. Most of us (myself included), were not taught how to advocate for ourselves let alone how (or what) to choose freely. Instead, some of us were taught that we don’t have a choice, our voices are not relevant, or speaking up is not an option… Advocating for ourselves and exercising our own self-agency isn’t always a safe, equitable, or realistic option. It depends on the situation, the context, the people involved, time, resources, our own state…and so much more!
Makes sense then why this might be hard!
With intimate content, here are 5 ways I encourage self agency and advocacy with my clients. This list is not exhaustive; it’s an appetizer, not the full meal. :)
1. Research is your friend…
What are my rights in this situation? What can I ask for? Who can I ask? What is industry standard for intimate scenes? It’s much easier to choose and ask for something, when you know what options are available.
Not sure what options you have? That’s really common! An unfortunate reality is that access to this information is not shared equally. Rely on your trusted team and union (if you have one), talk to friends and mentors in the industry, check out free articles & podcasts on intimacy coordination, take a class with intimacy professionals (if that’s available to you), or book a free consult with an intimacy professional. Keep an eye on what standards the unions are creating (with the caveat that intimacy coordination is an emerging field so industry standards are evolving). Here are a few free resources to get you started:
2. Separate Your Worth as an Performer from How Far You Go…
Performing nudity doesn’t make you a “good” performer. I’ll say it again: Performing simulated sex, nudity, or other intimacy has nothing to do with your artistic worth. There are plenty of great performers with full, long, prestigious careers that have performed intimacy and there are plenty of great performers with full, long, prestigious careers that have never performed intimacy!
When you separate out your worth as an artist from how far you’ll go for a role, you put less pressure on yourself to push past your personal boundaries. This leaves you in a much better position to advocate and consider the impact that a project may have on you. Your talent, your craft, your worth as a performer is so much more than one role, one class, one scene. Reminding yourself of this opens up possibilities for how you want to and are willing to engage in your work.
3. Have a Rough Idea of what your Boundaries are (and stay within them)…
What kinds of intimate stories do you want to tell? What intimate stories are you willing to tell (depending on the context)? Where are your hard no’s and your enthusiastic yeses? Consider the impact of witnessing simulated intimacy as well as performing it.
Having a rough idea of where your professional boundaries are can serve you throughout your entire process! Not willing to perform nude? Great! That saves you time auditioning by not going out for those roles. Booked an exciting role with intimate content? Congrats! Having a rough idea of those professional boundaries can help you communicate with the creative team about the intimacy required. Boundaries also encourage creativity! They can help you imagine options for dynamic storytelling. Your professional boundaries are for you and don’t have to look like anyone else’s. Lastly, please know that your boundaries can change day to day, show to show, and even moment to moment. Context is key.
4. Reach out to your Creative Team…
Who’s on your creative team? Who supports you in your work? Who helps make your artistic work shine?
For some, that might look like their agent, their mentor, and their bestie. For others, that might be their chosen family, their acting coach, and their union. Whoever is on your team, they are there to uplift you so that you can do your best work. Your team’s support may range from negotiating your contract riders, acting as peer support at a closed audition, running things by them, or just a reassuring phone call at the end of a long day. Reach out to them before you need them. You don’t have to choose or advocate alone.
5. Practice body awareness…
“Hear your body’s whispers so you don’t have to hear it scream” is my (new-to-me) favorite saying. What is your body telling you about this specific situation?
Your body is designed to constantly keep you safe but you can’t hear those cues of safety and danger if you aren’t tuning in. For some tuning in might look like mediation, yoga, dance, gym, movement… it could be anything that helps you build body awareness. However you connect with your body and whatever that looks like for you, build that into your artistic practice.
Body awareness not only helps performers cue into their instincts, it also helps you be open and present in the scene! Intimate content is physical (sometimes sweaty) work! It may take a chunk of time to stage, shoot, and/or perform. A good body warm-up, taking breaks, and de-roling/cooling down after, all help prevent injury and keep you open, not vulnerable. While working, don’t forget to take breaks before you need them (if you need them, it may be too late).
What would you add/subtract/change from this list? How does this resonate with you?
Have a question about a specific role or project? Write me an email here to see how I can help you with Intimate Content. For more info on Intimacy Coordination and some of my services, click here.