Connect and Disconnect…

When we’re telling a story, we tell it moment-to-moment. We don’t want to jump ahead and give away the ending, nor can we lag behind in the last scene when the new one is starting. So we do our script analysis, learn our blocking, our lines, the choreography… all so that we can stay present in the story.

We try to be present as our characters and as actors. We notice how the audience is reacting, where the camera is moving, whether we’re on our mark or finding our light. And if we’re a bit off or our scene partner drops a line, we adjust! This actor awareness is key so that we can stay connected to the story.

At auditions though, our actor awareness can take the driver’s seat. This is because auditions are stressful, we’re jumping from one side to another, and we don’t have the full arc to support our performance. It’s much harder to stay connected to the story when we’re telling it out of order!

So what happens when our actor awareness overrides that story connection?

One of the main reasons I work with stress reduction, is that stress is the ultimate disconnector. When stress increases, we go into self-protection mode. We will always choose protection over connection when we’re stressed. In fact, if we are really stressed out, it might not feel like we have a choice.

Think about the last audition when our heart was beating so loud and fast that we couldn't concentrate, or when we were a bit flat on that top note and just gave up. When our body isn’t doing what we ask and when our tools aren’t helping, it doesn’t feel like we have much choice.

If we did, we would choose to not feel that way! We would choose to ground and reconnect with the story. Instead, our actor awareness can fixate on how disconnected or stressed we are! Feeling disconnected or offline is a great sign that we may be in a stress response.

And the good news is that there are times where stress responses help us connect and be present. Where a deadline can make us get laser focused and learn our lines, where a ripped costume helps us make a creative character choice, or where something goes “wrong” and it allows for some spontaneity and new life in our performance. Personally, those are my favorite storytelling moments.

So how do we get to the point where stress is the connector and not the disconnector?

First off, let’s be mindful of the phrases we tell ourselves when we do disconnect. This is the shame and blame spiral, the “this always happens,” “I’m bad at this,” “I’ll never get this job.” These are phrases that keep us in judgment (another sign that we’re in a stress response).

And the magnetic pull of that shame and blame spiral can make it harder for us to reconnect in the present. Often we get so caught up in the content of them, that we might not recognize how familiar these phrases are. Even simply saying “oh, I’ve said this before,” can help diffuse their power.

Next, we can take the pressure off of ourselves to always be present. We as humans are not meant to be present and open all of the time. Our natural state is one of change, where we dip in and out of connection. So let’s hold it a bit more lightly!

We don’t need to self-flagellate if we disconnect from the story. Nor do we have to grip connection so tightly for fear of dropping it. This is why we prep and have techinique to rely on in those offline moments. And when we place less pressure on having to stay connected, it’s easier to trust that we can and will re-connect.

Lastly, when we’re in an intense stress response, we might need to adjust our expectations. We may want to be fully present in the story, yet when we get the audition shakes in the waiting room, all bets are off! Instead of shaming ourselves for failing to meet our goal, what would it be like to just adjust the goal in the moment? Rather than going for full out, can we find subtly?

Stress disconnects us from subtly, which is why when we’re stressed out we want the big shifts! All or nothing! Yet, we artists know that often the smallest adjustment can make a huge difference. A slightly steadier breath, a tiny grounding in our feet, taking a micro step… that subtle shift is sometimes all it takes to reconnect us deeply to ourselves and to the story.

And we often discount or dismiss those small shifts! Yet the more we can value and trust them, the easier it will be to notice them when we are stressed. Which may take time and practice, for sure! But the more we practice, the more we can streamline this process. And the sooner we can reconnect to moment-to-moment storytelling.